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12 Non-Resolutions for New Year's

Since I never keep my New Year's resolutions, this year I'm making non-resolutions.
1. Gain 15 pounds
2. Lose my job
3. Get banned from Twitter
4. Work on something non important
5. Get a salary cut
6. Eat at least a pound of chocolate each day
7. Don't exercise for 365 days straight
8. Be miserable
9. Accumulate at least 5 new bad habits
10. Quit at anything that is difficult
11. Make excuses to get out of everything
12. Accumulate as much junk as possible